Wednesday. 5.18.05 1:51 am
I hate bad feelings..... like tonight... I don't know if it was the
guilt I felt for once again being out with friends instead of spending time with keith when we had so much catching up to do... yet I
wasn't there again for him... or the caffine and being freezing cold... or the effects of missing my other half... or if I am afraid of something
bad happening on tomorrow's trip to KOP... but I didn't want to let go tonight-- of the phone.
I wanted to say I love you a billion times and make sure u knew I meant it and always will. Maybe it is the pills making me feel like
crying all the time at the least sappy thing, or maybe it was the
reassurance I got tonight from someone who looked me in the eye n told me that he is so happy for us, and that
no one has ever said that before, maybe it was the whole talk about weddings everywhere-- on tv, in the car, over coffee, in my head-- I think I am just more emotional these days, more prone to cry, more prone to missing, more prone to loving... who the
hell knows. All I know is I hope that this feeling goes away by 9:30am this morning. I'm flushed... I guess JoJo's garlic knots do that to me...
asian glow indeed, just the wrong kind. Night.
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