thoughts from a running track
Friday. 9.10.04 10:24 pm
There are some days where I want nothing more than to run forever... run away, run toward, run through and run for. Run until I fall over, run until I feel no more, run until I have so much adrenalin pumping I feel like I am floating on a cloud. Today was one of those days... and the frusterating part is that I never know WHY. This never ending supply of energy could be to some people in certain instances a "zone" but tonight it was just an agravating nuisance that got me ancy and my friends worrried. When asked, "what's wrong?" I hate that I had no answer, that I couldn't even tell the people that I care about what was making me feel like this. Maybe it is homesickness, maybe it is frusteration, maybe it is the feeling of helplessness, maybe it is boredom, maybe it is the yearning for something I cannot have, maybe it is the beans and rice I ate and the cookies that Amanda thought to bring back for me from her meeting, maybe it is God's blessing of giving back to me the energy that has been missing for the past week and a half, maybe it is the let down from this "new" envoirnment, maybe I know why but I don't want to admit to myself, maybe I just need time to figure and absorb all of this ... I have friends here and they are all amazingly fun... tonight we just all decided to do different things, that's all. Some days are for being with people, some days are for being by yourself. Some days you do both. It's all about priorities and trying to make time for everyone. Today was a "roomie hang out day" and the past 2 hours were "my venting time" while lunch was "kara and katelyn time" and the hours in between were "catch up with Hershey friends online time". I just hate, and I mean hate, when I can't even give an answer to how I am or why I am. It passes, it always does.
P.S. thank you courtney- have fun at the party, and *wink* thank you tom for calling after court probably called you to yell at me not to walk alone. Li, I'm glad that you made that decision. Caitlin, thank you thank you for listening.
Quotes I'd like to save from "the secret life of bees" by Sue Monk Kidd
"I have noticed that if you look carefully at people's eyes the first five seconds they look at you, the truth of their feelings will shine through for just an instant before it flickers away." - pg 104
"Every human being on the face of the earht has a steel plate in his head, but if u lie down now and then and get as still as you can, it will slide open like elevator dooes, letting in all the secret thoughts that have been standing around so patiently, pushing the button for ar ride to the top. The real torubles in life happen when those hidden doors stay closed for too long." - pg 170
"There is nothing perfect, there is only life." -pg 256
"... nobody is perfect... you just have to close your eyes and breath out and let the puzzle of the human heart be what it is." - pg 285
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